Entries tagged with “los angeles” from kotaraindustries.com, the helsinki branch

We didn't really have concrete plans for my second night in LA, so we did what seemed most logical: to head down to the neighborhood of THE Church of Scientology International Celebrity Centre and snoop around.

1. We walked up to the center, fully knowing every move we made would be videotaped, and every word we uttered would be recorded. I took that opportunity to loudly reiterate my confusion between "dianetics" and "diuretics."
   
   
   
   
2. As we walked around to a dimly lit side street alongside the complex, a bicycle cop / security guard / Scientology Overlord stopped in his tracks, turned around, and started slowly trailing us.  I still managed to snap off this shot of both the parking dungeon and the castle where they keep the snails or Xenu's ashes or whatever.
   
   
   
   
3. There was a set of apartments directly next to (maybe even physically connected to) the compound.  We wondered if that was just an unfortunate location for some tenants...or if this was some sort of safehouse for wayward thetans.  Then we came across the most exciting find of the evening.  What appeared to be an actual E-meter machine sitting on a cart just inside the apartment gate!!
   
   
   
   
4. Then suddenly, a real, live Scientologist shuffled past us!  I'm not sure if I'm remembering correctly, but I think he had on a tuxedo.  (For some reason, in my mind all Scientologists always wear tuxedos.)  He hurried by, and did not offer to audit us although he was clearly making a beeline for that E-meter.
   
   
   

The next day we watched this documentary on a disillusioned (and highly vocal) ex-Scientologist, but...it put us to sleep.  No one could stay awake through this thing.  I looked over at Kris when we both woke up and realized we had both nodded off and she said, "Shit.  I think I'm a Scientologist now."

Remember this dumb idea?  Where my friend Kris and I were going to attempt the impossible and get me from LAX to the theatre downtown in about an hour, with the goal of making it in time to see the beginning of the "9 to 5" musical at 8pm?  Well....welcome to the exciting conclusion!

I flew on my first Virgin America flight ever, and I must say I'm pretty impressed with the airline.  The seats were roomy and comfortable, the aesthetic was really space-agey and clean-looking, the in-flight entertainment system (particularly the game Anagramarama) was truly entertaining, and the cherry on top was the fact that I was surrounded by about 25 twenty-something boys from Italy. But I was not impressed with their airspeed.  We were supposed to touch down at 6:20, and when Kris called me at 6:25 asking if I was on the shuttle yet, I had to sadly report that I was still on the tarmac.  My confidence level on a scale from 1 to 10 slipped to about a 6.5 that we would make it to 9 to 5 on time.

I finally got off the plane and speedwalked to the shuttle stop, hoping I would just catch the one going by since they start at Terminal 1 every half hour on the hour.  I figured since I was outside at about 6:35, there was no way they could make it from Terminal 1 to Terminal 6 in five minutes, and I'd be gold.  I was not gold.  I must have just missed the last one, because I ended up waiting/pacing there for 25 minutes.  Confidence level dropped to 5.0.

Once on the shuttle and on the freeway, I saw nothing but a sea of brake lights, and my confidence temporarily dropped to a 3.0, until I realized we were allowed in the HOV lane and were blowing past everyone and it returned to a 5.0.  I was on the phone with Kris, giving her a play-by-play of which exits I was passing so she could coordinate train timing.

I pulled up to Union Station at 7:50 or so, watching Kris sprint past the bus to the ticket counter to buy my tickets.  Once I was allowed to disembark, she and I took off running to the underground subway tunnels.  We breathlessly arrived on the platform, only to see that the next train didn't arrive until 7:57.   Confidence level 2.0.

But at 7:54, our train was inexplicably early!  We got on it and stood at the doorway as if we were in sprinter's blocks, ready to explode out of the train at our next stop and haul ass to the theatre.  It stopped.  We ran.

We didn't exactly know which way the theatre was, so we took a few gambles and ran up several flights of stairs.  After running so far with my heavy bag and Kris in heels, we started to slow down.  Confidence level and lung capacity sank to a 1.0, when we finally made it to the doors of the theatre, only to find it was a whole theatre COMPLEX and we were at the wrong one!  We still had about a block to go...fuck!  I was just ready to lay down and die and forget the whole caper.

We limped and stumbled to the right theatre, and surprisingly the front doors were still open and attended by ushers.  No music.  7.5.  We realized we had to walk up three flights of stairs to get to the balcony.  7.0.  We made it to the top and were greeted by a smiling usher who uttered these magic words...

"You just made it."

We were all wheezing and sweaty, and sank breathlessly into our seats at 8:10.  Literally one minute later, the lights dimmed and the curtains opened...