Video Game Vomit Day
Today has been a long time coming. Almost a year ago, my friends Jeremy and Jackie were back home visiting Texas from Seattle, and I told them of my plans to be in Seattle for Halloween. Jeremy didn't used to drink back when I first knew him, but he has since jumped off the wagon into Whiskey River...and we agreed that when I came to Seattle to visit for Halloween, we would light fires in the backyard and get as drunk as possible off the grossest whiskey of all: Old Forester. (Which I was to bring with me from Texas since it is not available in Washington.)
As luck would have it, I actually moved here prior to Halloween, but we felt we should hold true to our promise. So I bought a bottle of Old Forester when I went home for my grandma's funeral last month, and Jeremy and Jackie will be here in a few hours to drink it:
The success of the evening will be measured on how much we all vomit. I don't normally drink liquor, so this is going to hurt. Bad. If Jackie and Jeremy are game...I'm planning for us to live blog our evening here...
5:20PM - The house is ready. The Texas-shaped ice cubes are ready.
5:45PM - J&J are on their way, hooray!
5:50PM - Matt thinks I should have already gotten drunk before they arrived. I'm considering faking like I'm passed out on the porch for when they pull up...
6:00PM - I bought mixers last night at the store, but since I don't really ever drink liquor I wasn't 100% positive what to get. So I got ginger ale, Pepsi, and Dr Pepper. Are those socially acceptable whiskey mixers?
7:57PM - "Jackie's mom is the reason that 'fat' should be a verb because she just fats around the house. And she sucks donkey balls." - Jeremy
7:58PM - "In Mother Russia, the donkey fucks you." - Jeremy
8:04PM - "I like props!" - Jackie
8:05PM - "I didn't fuck those kids." - Halee
8:08PM - Pinkie swear promise to Jackie to go to Waffle House when we're all home for Christmas in Texas because she's never been.
8:09PM - Dream jobs:
- Jackie - Waitress at a greasy spoon choke n' puke diner who calls everyone "Sugar", "Darling", "Plum", "Sugar Plum," "Sugar Darling", or "Sugar Darling Plum."
- Jeremy - "I was always a very reasonable child. I did not bother with dreams, and always made good decisions."
- Halee - NASCAR driver's wife. (Jeremy remembers me outlining my dream man, who was a NASCAR mechanic [note: not a NASCAR driver] who lived in a mobile home with walls with alternating panels of wood and mirrors.)
8:32PM - "Every dude's wang was realistic...but it had two things sticking out the side that made it look like a crucifix. Owen Wilson would try to draw a crucifixation wang, I'll tell you that right now. And then he'd try to kill himself." - Jeremy
8:34PM - "Sweden and Norway look like a big ol' double-ended cock." - Halee
8:35PM - "Halee, I've known you since 1995 and I've never once seen you without eyeliner on." - Jeremy
9:12PM - "Ask him if he's ever had sex with a map!!!" - Jackie
9:16PM - "Jackie's mom paid $3 more than your mom." - Jeremy
9:17PM - We called our friend Morley to see who he liked more, me or Jeremy based on whose call he answered. He answered Jeremy's call and would not click over to my call.
9:23PM - Morley has never been to a clock tower.
9:36PM - "Squiggle porn. Trust me, I know. " - Jeremy
9:42PM - Here is our progress at 9:42PM:
There is still much work to be done. WWF UNO hasn't even begun.
9:51PM - "Did you hear my sea shanty????" - Jackie
10:09PM - "I don't want to die I just need to, ooooh you asshole" - Halee
10:13PM - "I'm a tribe of people. Fuck. . . . I GOT NO CASTLE! I GOT NO CASTLE!!" - Halee
10:16PM - "Marilyn Monroe had laser surgery to remove her hair to make her forehead bigger." - Jackie
10:17PM - "Why????" - Halee
10:18PM - "Because she's DEAD!!!" - Jeremy
10:19PM - "I'm gonna fuck you so hard you're gonna get pregnant and have an abortion at the SAME TIME. Blue is gonna lose when he is his own stepfather!!!" - Jeremy when playing Warlords on Atari
10:20PM - "Green was his second cousin, and he just twice removed him." - Jackie on Jeremy kicking Warlords' ass
10:22PM - "Mine's got the weird bottom." - Halee
10:22PM - "Have you ever seen something have a baby out of its mouth on your VCR?" - Jeremy
10:24PM - "Oh! Fuck you! bah guh guh guh guh!" - Halee
10:27PM - "Oh, I'll tell you all my faint stories!" - Halee
10:43 "and then the bastard dipped it in holy water" Halee
I didn't say this but i love the fucking twinkles. - jeremy.
11:08iPM - "Whiskey bounces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - halee
11:13PM - "If I was going to have sex with any 80s TV show, it would be the A-Team. Take that, DJay-azzy Jeff!" - Jeremy\\
12;09pmAM - "APPARNETly having curly shoes or tight armbandfs and insanaly insane amounts of steroisds makes you absolutely patshit carzy.: " - jheremery on iron sheik on
jim helwig aka ultimate warrior
1:30AM -
"why did you you go to that lynard ksynard swho???" " because my sister gave blood and gave met he tickets." - jeremy red
1:31AM - "Basically this song teaches you to beware of nippily men who will of course eat uyopur motor boat" - Jerewmy.
1:3o02u
H"i,. Fuck there there names in there butts." - yeah it me.
1:37 -
"Watch him watch him he's pullijng string out of his nipple!" - Jackie
1:35 -
"I'll punch that dude in his turban" - Jeremy (god i'm an asshole)
2:17 -
"River Phoenix left Weezer to join Jerry Lewis and form the Rentals" - All
3:00AM - I don't know if it's really 3AM or 4AM or 2AM because the time changed to night and I'm all confuessed...but J&J just left and my tummy hurts from laughing and we should have included all the links of all the dumb bvideos we watched. I mainly remember something hwere Travis Tritt was the devil. And Johnny Cash was reading from the bible about best practices for playing hte fiddle. I think it's 4 AM whiecha means we just drnak for 7 hours straight which means I'm entitled to go to bed now. Nobody threw up. Mission failed. We're going to try again when Rhonda comes to town.
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