Yoga vs. Satanism: Compare and Contrast
One of the perks at my new company is that they pay for your gym membership to a relatively fancy athletic-type club. I signed up a couple of weeks ago, and it's a pretty nice place. The main thing I liked about it was that it is on the second floor and they don't have elevator access to that floor....only stairs. The thought of people taking an elevator to go use the stairmaster frankly enrages me, so thank god they've taken a stance on this critical issue.
Anyhow, I've gone in a couple of times to use the elliptical trainer, but today I decided to give one of their yoga classes a try. I'm not usually a big fan of yoga or Nia or any of the other hippie-based exercise regimens, but I can admit the benefits of yoga and stretching and power isometric poses and etc. And I actually kinda enjoy the fitness/strength-focused yoga classes, when the instructors aren't so ditzy and force you to imagine your inner light going through your spine to diffuse compassion and acceptance through your body, and henceforth the universe. Fuck that. I'm just there to stretch my hamstrings, hippie.
I would say that the class was 65% stretchy/posey, and 35% hippie bullshit. And 25% of the hippie part happened at the very end when the instructor vomited a mouthful of fancy Indian words, as if any of us in the room had a clue what she was saying. It was seriously like she was possessed, I think her eyes even rolled back in her head a little. And unfortunately I just watched "Child's Play I" last weekend, so for a split second I thought she was chanting the spell that Charles Lee Ray used to transfer his soul into the Good Guy doll. And when I realized that wasn't what she was saying, I was wishing that I had that memorized so I could say it.
Note to Halee's self, memorize this before your next yoga class:
Anyhow, I've gone in a couple of times to use the elliptical trainer, but today I decided to give one of their yoga classes a try. I'm not usually a big fan of yoga or Nia or any of the other hippie-based exercise regimens, but I can admit the benefits of yoga and stretching and power isometric poses and etc. And I actually kinda enjoy the fitness/strength-focused yoga classes, when the instructors aren't so ditzy and force you to imagine your inner light going through your spine to diffuse compassion and acceptance through your body, and henceforth the universe. Fuck that. I'm just there to stretch my hamstrings, hippie.
I would say that the class was 65% stretchy/posey, and 35% hippie bullshit. And 25% of the hippie part happened at the very end when the instructor vomited a mouthful of fancy Indian words, as if any of us in the room had a clue what she was saying. It was seriously like she was possessed, I think her eyes even rolled back in her head a little. And unfortunately I just watched "Child's Play I" last weekend, so for a split second I thought she was chanting the spell that Charles Lee Ray used to transfer his soul into the Good Guy doll. And when I realized that wasn't what she was saying, I was wishing that I had that memorized so I could say it.
Note to Halee's self, memorize this before your next yoga class:
Auday duay dumbalar. Auday duay dumbalar. La mwar de sway de pwa de yo. Se swa seten de pwa de mor. Auday deway dum balar. Give me the power, I beg of you!!
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