March 2009 Archives

Daniel gave me the coolest gift(s) ever in the form of a big fat stack of wrestling magazines from the mid-80s.  These are pure gold.  Allow me to transcribe a letter to the editor in its entirety from the July 1986 issue of "Wrestling's Main Event: The #1 Magazine for Mat Fans Today!"

Brutus Takes the Cake

This is an open letter to Brutus Beefcake.  I've been watching you for quite a while, and I've seen you progress a lot in that time.  My only complaint is that I feel that you need to somehow get out of the Valentine partnership and try to find yourself.  By finding yourself I mean that Valentine has established himself as a man of various styles whereas you have not done so yet.

All the critics say that Valentine is "carrying" you through the matches.  I don't think this is very fair of them.  What they are talking about is variety.  Valentine has, to name a few, the Figure-Four Leglock, the Elbow Smash, and the Shoulderbreaker.  Your only move is the "Flying Knee."

If it seems that I am condemning you, you are wrong.  I am only trying to look out for you and hope that you can take a little constructive criticism.  In the future I hope that you will try to work harder on your moves and less on your image.

So what do you say, Brutus, do you show the world your wrestling knowledge or do you let them go on bad-mouthing you?  Whether you believe it or not, there is somebody out there waiting for you to show the world exactly what you've got.

Love,

Mom

Okay.  The "mom" part is a lie.  But the article where Ric Flair and Tully Blanchard throw a retirement party for Dusty Rhodes without his knowledge/permission is not a lie.  Nor is the article where the Sheik has a tummy ache and drinks camel's milk to settle his tummy.

I just approached my co-worker Min Ho in the hallway, and for whatever reason I felt the need to do a series of karate kicks in his general direction.

He stopped.

Then he looked at me funny.

Then we had this exchange:

Min Ho: "Are you assuming that I know martial arts because I'm Asian?"
Halee:   "YEAH!"
Min Ho: "Okay, then I guess I'm bringing you a banjo tomorrow."