Ode to Pamela Ewing

Every time I have ever gone to a foreign country and mentioned I lived in Dallas, I always get lots of questions about J.R. and the rest of the Ewings.  When this came up with my Finnish friends here, Tanja told me about an amazing Finnish song that was written about and dedicated to Pamela Ewing.  (A country song, of course!)  Behold:



I will now attempt to translate this song for you.  Please note:

• I do not speak Finnish, so this should be interesting.
  
• This is based off a combination of Google's shady translation engine and my faulty memory of what Tanja explained to me.
• That sound effect in the beginning is a moped engine, and not a chainsaw like I originally thought.  This is Jaakko Teppo, not Jackyl, for god's sake.

"Pamela" - by Jaakko Teppo

"<Gunning a moped engine>
It's Friday night again and I'm on my moped.
I'm going home to watch Dallas on the color TV.
They are so famous and they take bribes.

You will be on the screen,
And I never want to turn it off.

(chorus)
Pam-Pam-Pam-Pam-Pamela!
Oh you, you wonderful you.
Pam-Pam-Pam-Pam-Pamela!
Pam-Pam-Pamela!

Yes, you live a different kind of life.
With all that oil.
And big boobs and bulls.
In Dallas.

(chorus)
Pam-Pam-Pam-Pam-Pamela!
Oh you, you wonderful you.
Pam-Pam-Pam-Pam-Pamela!
Pam-Pam-Pamela!

Lucy is too short.
Sue Ellen drinks too much whiskey.
You are the one I want.

I can offer you a lot.
There is an extra seat on my moped.
Come with me and we will ride through the swamp.
Leaving Dallas behind in a puff of steam smoke."

(chorus)
Pam-Pam-Pam-Pam-Pamela!
Oh you, you wonderful you.
Pam-Pam-Pam-Pam-Pamela!
Pam-Pam-Pamela!