April 2010 Archives
A few weeks ago, I was at dinner and was having trouble deciding between the options for dessert. I decided to handle it like I did when I was a kid, closed my eyes, and did the rhyme for "Inka-binka bottle of ink..." And that made me think of something I had never ever thought about before. Do other countries/languages have their own forms of "Inka-binka"? So I asked my Finnish friends at the table if there was a little sing-songy rhyme they used when they were kids, and suddenly the whole table was chanting "Entten tentten teelika mentten..." at me.
After I calmed down and realized it was NOT a Satanic chant, they translated it for me and said that it's just like "Inka-binka" in that it's mostly gibberish and the last line eliminates something.
This was all so cute and charming and got me very curious about other languages, too, so I surveyed all my bilingual friends and got them to share theirs. Here they are...
English
Finnish
German
Spanish
French
Dutch
Swedish
Trolls who are bad at math? Andive farts? Banana guns?? My stinky ink suddenly doesn't seem so interesting anymore...
After I calmed down and realized it was NOT a Satanic chant, they translated it for me and said that it's just like "Inka-binka" in that it's mostly gibberish and the last line eliminates something.
This was all so cute and charming and got me very curious about other languages, too, so I surveyed all my bilingual friends and got them to share theirs. Here they are...
English
| Eeeny, meeny, miney, moe Catch a tiger by his toe If he hollers make him pay Fifty dollars every day My mother told me to pick the very best one And you are not it! |
Self-explanatory.... |
| Inka-binka bottle of ink Cork fell out and you stink! |
Self-explanatory.... |
Finnish
| Entten tentten teelika mentten Hissun kissun vaapula vissun Eelin keelin lot viipula vaapula Vot eskon saun piunpaun Nyt mä lähden tästä pelistä pois Puh pah pelistä pois! |
Gibberish gibberish gibberish Gibberish gibberish gibberish Gibberish gibberish gibberish Gibberish gibberish gibberish Now I am going out of this game Puh pah game off! |
German
| Enemenemiste es rappelt in der kiste Enemenemeck und du bist weg Weg bist du noch lange nicht Sag mir erst wie alt du bist 1 2 3 4 du bist weg |
Gibberish shaking in the box Gibberish and you are gone Are you still a long way away? Tell me just how old you are 1 2 3 4 you are gone |
Spanish
| Pito pito, gorgorito Donde vas tú tan bonito A la era, verdadera, pin, pon, fuera, La vaca lechera, se cagó en la carretera |
Whistle
whistle, gargle, Where are you going so beautiful, To the thresher, ping pong outside, The milk cow is shitting on the road |
French
| Am stram gram pic et pic et colegram Bour et bour et ratatam am stram gram. Qui a pété? ca sent les chicorée 1 2 3 ce sera bien toi! |
Gibberish gibberish gibberish Gibberish gibberish gibberish Who farted? It smells like andives 1 2 3 it is definitely you! |
Dutch
| Alle
indianen, schieten met bananen Pief poef paf en u broek zakt af! |
All
the Indians are shooting with bananas Pief poef paf now you lost your trousers! |
Swedish
| Ällinga, vällinga, vattenspruta. Slog en käring mitt på truta Här ska du få, ditt otäcka troll för att du inte kan räkna till tolv! 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12! |
Formula, water injection Slapped an old bitch in her face Here's for you, you nasty troll Because you can't count to twelve! 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12! |
Trolls who are bad at math? Andive farts? Banana guns?? My stinky ink suddenly doesn't seem so interesting anymore...
Barbie was big in my house. We had dozens, and each had her own name that was NOT "Barbie" and had a distinct personality from the others. There was Jan and Tracy and P.J. (both her ankles were broken and she had perma-masking tape casts) and Andrea and Cara and Marie Osmond and Wendi Poobah and Kim (she was the one that would wink, but her wink eye got stuck and turned into a wonk eye) and Suni and Stephanie Baggie.
The Barbie to Ken ratio was not favorable for Barbie. We only had 4 Ken dolls:
My little nieces will sometimes still play with our old Barbies, and they've started to collect their own. One of my nieces has a birthday next week, and my sister mentioned that they needed a Ken doll. I totally wanted to get her one, but a surprise awaited me in the toy section of Amazon.com...
Every Ken doll is now totally, completely, flamingly gay.
Jewel Secrets Ken
Ken in a tux is not so gay. Barbie does need a prom date or a groom for her wedding. But Ken in a silver tux? Ken who has jewel secrets?
Diamond Castle Prince Ken
Jackie and I were IMing like crazy over all this, and I think she summarized this one the best by saying:"Why does this prince have a guitar?" And apparently Diamond Castle Prince Ken comes in two flavors: vanilla (Ian) and chocolate (Jeremy).
Rainbow Prince Ken
Thigh-high boots and a pastel rainbow glitter tunic with puffy sleeves? Is this even real??
Mariposa Prince Ken
Jackie's reaction to this one: "....he's a fairy. He's an f'in FAIRY." Also, "mariposa" means "butterfly" in Spanish, but it's also Mexican slang for "queer". Great job, Mattel.
Sun Sensation Ken
Gold. Mesh. Half-shirt. I have nothing else to add.
Hot Skatin' Ken
I snarfed all over my computer when I saw this one. As if the ice skates weren't enough... As if the rollerblades were not enough... As if his neon spandex unitard was not enough... WHY DID YOU POSE HIM LIKE THAT??
I went so far as to create a poll for this one, so please vote below...
The Barbie to Ken ratio was not favorable for Barbie. We only had 4 Ken dolls:
- Malibu Ken who was blond and tan and we called "Ken"
- Generic Ken who had dark hair and we usually drew in a mustache with eyeliner and we called "Steve"
- Generic Ken who had light brown hair and whose name changed depending on what Barbie he was with that week
- Weight-Lifting Ken whose muscles would actually pop up when you bent his arm to flex his bicep, and I don't remember what we called him...honestly he was kinda ugly and we usually popped his head off and replaced it with Steve's
- Headless Horseman Ken which was Steve's leftover body
My little nieces will sometimes still play with our old Barbies, and they've started to collect their own. One of my nieces has a birthday next week, and my sister mentioned that they needed a Ken doll. I totally wanted to get her one, but a surprise awaited me in the toy section of Amazon.com...
Every Ken doll is now totally, completely, flamingly gay.
Jewel Secrets Ken
Ken in a tux is not so gay. Barbie does need a prom date or a groom for her wedding. But Ken in a silver tux? Ken who has jewel secrets?
Diamond Castle Prince Ken
Jackie and I were IMing like crazy over all this, and I think she summarized this one the best by saying:"Why does this prince have a guitar?" And apparently Diamond Castle Prince Ken comes in two flavors: vanilla (Ian) and chocolate (Jeremy).
Rainbow Prince Ken
Thigh-high boots and a pastel rainbow glitter tunic with puffy sleeves? Is this even real??
Mariposa Prince Ken
Jackie's reaction to this one: "....he's a fairy. He's an f'in FAIRY." Also, "mariposa" means "butterfly" in Spanish, but it's also Mexican slang for "queer". Great job, Mattel.
Sun Sensation Ken
Gold. Mesh. Half-shirt. I have nothing else to add.
Hot Skatin' Ken
I snarfed all over my computer when I saw this one. As if the ice skates weren't enough... As if the rollerblades were not enough... As if his neon spandex unitard was not enough... WHY DID YOU POSE HIM LIKE THAT??
I went so far as to create a poll for this one, so please vote below...
Good Friday and Easter Monday are national bank holidays in Finland, so I took advantage of the extra days off and went off on a quick adventure to Iceland. I had passed through Reykjavik a few times when flying to Helsinki from Seattle, and it looked amazing: volcanos, hot springs, sweaters with ponies on them, actual ponies, Viking history, etc. (They say that the modern Icelandic language is still so similar to how the Vikings spoke that a person today could read ancient Viking text and understand it.)
DAY ONE: Arrival, Whale Steak, and Northern Lights Tour
When I booked my trip and saw that there was a hotel in Reykjavik called Hótel Björk, even though I knew it had nothing to do with her and even though it was well outside of city center...I just had to stay there.
When I arrived, I was sad to see it was snowing, but after getting settled at the hotel I decided to walk the mile or so down to city center in search of Reykjavik's legendary whale steak. In the short time from check-in to walking out to go to the restaurant, the wind kicked up by about 25 miles an hour. There were times when the gusts of wind were so strong that they nearly knocked me over. I felt like Ishmael, braving the violent winds and high seas to hunt me some whale. It was brutal.
Brutal, but worth it for one of the most memorable meals of my life. I expected whale steak to be white and weird and rubbery. In fact, when they brought it out to me, I thought they made a mistake and brought me beef! The taste and texture was very similar to beef...maybe slightly tougher. Super delicious and I was so happy to see they served steak with melted butter on top, just like we do in Texas.
I was completely and unashamedly a total tourist the entire time I was in Iceland. So later that evening, a big tour bus picked me up at my hotel to take me on the "Northern Lights Tour." It's getting on the late side of the year to be able to see the Northern Lights, and with the terrible weather I was not very hopeful. Me and about 50 other tourists road out to the middle of nowhere to hunt for the lights. I fell asleep on the bus really hard, and was woken up by the stench of sheep dung. They drove us out to some farm land, and of course that's where we ended up stopping to look at the sky for 30 minutes in a stinky cloud of sheep shit. We could sort of see the Northern Lights, but not really. The sky had a green tint to it, but it wasn't all intense and amazing and dancey-dancey like you see on the postcards. But my nap was great.
DAY TWO: Bike Tour and Blue Lagoon
The next morning I woke up and walked two or so miles down to city hall to meet up with the Reykjavik Free* Bike Tour. (* Not actually free.) There were only 5 of us on the tour and very little traffic in Reykjavik on the holiday weekend, so it was perfect. We saw:
After all the biking around, and the two mile walk back to the hotel, I was so very much looking forward to visiting the Blue Lagoon and soaking my tired legs. These are hot springs fueled by all the geothermic activity. When I arrived, I seriously might as well have landed on the moon, it was so weird. Steam was rising up from strange places. The water looked outer-spacey. It was eerily quiet.
It was literally freezing outside, and snowing off and on. And yet there we all were in our swimsuits, like we're at the beach! Once in the milky-blue water, though....it was amazing. The water temperature is about 100 degrees F, and you just wade around and soak and float and let all your worries melt away. I kept floating on my back so only my face was sticking out, and letting the snow pelt me in the face. It was so very surreal. Then at times the steam coming off the water got super thick, and it felt like I was the only person there because I couldn't see another soul around me. Then...someone would of course emerge from the fog and scare the shit out of me.
There was a waterfall that you could stand under and just let it pummel your back, neck, and shoulders in some sort of Viking DIY massage. Steam room, sauna, observation deck, beers...it was generally just heaven on earth.
DAY THREE: Pony Ride, Hanging Out at a Gas Station, and Watching Made for TV True Life Movies
On Sunday, the bus picked me up and took me out to a magical place called Íshestar where my little girl heart about exploded out of my chest. This is an Icelandic horse ranch, where you can go horseback riding through the lava fields on pretty pretty Icelandic ponies. I was in little girl heaven, it was like a real live My Little Pony ranch. Icelandic horses are about 3/4 the size of a regular Texas-style cowboy horse. So smaller than the average horse, but not miniature pony small. And all the horsies have very long manes with their bangs in their eyes, and basically look like they're wearing wigs.
The pony assigned to me was a tan horsie with a tan mane named Skwisga, and you can see her head in the middle picture below. The first thing that happened when we met was she tried to steal my camera out of my coat pocket! I liked her spunkiness, and saddled up. The waiver warned us: "Do not scream or shout at any time, screaming and shouting will excite the Icelandic horse, but remember that it loves to hear you sing!" So I sang songs to her all during the ride, and she didn't buck me off. It was a great business deal. I fell in love with Skwisga, and was briefly tempted to ride away with her, and never come back.
After the horseback riding, I was exhausted and went back to the hotel for a nap. When I woke up, I was starving. I walked to a couple of nearby restaurants...and quickly and stupidly realized that everywhere was closed because it was Easter Sunday. The only place I could find that was open was basically a gas station / video store / burger joint. So I had a burger and fries, and hung out and pretended to read an Icelandic newspaper. They also had soft-serve ice cream, and the Icelandic equivalent of a Dairy Queen blizzard! I put crushed M&Ms, Malteasers, and some chocolate wafers in mine. She tried to get me to put licorice in there, but I refused. (Why so much licorice, Scandinavia? Why???)
I took it easy the rest of the day, and chilled out watching the "True Movies" channel, featuring such made-for-TV movies as:
And thus ended my Viking holiday, with a tale of the history of foster care in Missouri. The end.
DAY ONE: Arrival, Whale Steak, and Northern Lights Tour
When I booked my trip and saw that there was a hotel in Reykjavik called Hótel Björk, even though I knew it had nothing to do with her and even though it was well outside of city center...I just had to stay there.
When I arrived, I was sad to see it was snowing, but after getting settled at the hotel I decided to walk the mile or so down to city center in search of Reykjavik's legendary whale steak. In the short time from check-in to walking out to go to the restaurant, the wind kicked up by about 25 miles an hour. There were times when the gusts of wind were so strong that they nearly knocked me over. I felt like Ishmael, braving the violent winds and high seas to hunt me some whale. It was brutal.
Brutal, but worth it for one of the most memorable meals of my life. I expected whale steak to be white and weird and rubbery. In fact, when they brought it out to me, I thought they made a mistake and brought me beef! The taste and texture was very similar to beef...maybe slightly tougher. Super delicious and I was so happy to see they served steak with melted butter on top, just like we do in Texas.
I was completely and unashamedly a total tourist the entire time I was in Iceland. So later that evening, a big tour bus picked me up at my hotel to take me on the "Northern Lights Tour." It's getting on the late side of the year to be able to see the Northern Lights, and with the terrible weather I was not very hopeful. Me and about 50 other tourists road out to the middle of nowhere to hunt for the lights. I fell asleep on the bus really hard, and was woken up by the stench of sheep dung. They drove us out to some farm land, and of course that's where we ended up stopping to look at the sky for 30 minutes in a stinky cloud of sheep shit. We could sort of see the Northern Lights, but not really. The sky had a green tint to it, but it wasn't all intense and amazing and dancey-dancey like you see on the postcards. But my nap was great.
DAY TWO: Bike Tour and Blue Lagoon
The next morning I woke up and walked two or so miles down to city hall to meet up with the Reykjavik Free* Bike Tour. (* Not actually free.) There were only 5 of us on the tour and very little traffic in Reykjavik on the holiday weekend, so it was perfect. We saw:
- The tour guide's daughter rolling around on the ground and pretending to shoot at us
- The pond Tjörnin by city hall
- An old 1930s apartment complex designed by Gudjon Samuelsson
- A cathedral designed by Gudjon Samuelsson (very popular guy)
- The Central Square of Reykjavik, with monuments to Viking dudes like Ingolfur Arnarson, who fled Norway for Iceland and threw two logs overboard (according to Viking tradition) and vowed to settle wherever the logs landed. Hence...Reykjavik!
- Reykjavik Harbor
- The famous hot dog stand where Bill Clinton ate shortly before his heart attack. Icelanders usually eat their hot dogs with mustard and ketchup and onions...but he only wanted mustard on his. So now they call that "The Clinton."
- Iceland's Parliament
- Reykjavik University
- Reykjavik Second Hand Market
- Björk's house by the sea
After all the biking around, and the two mile walk back to the hotel, I was so very much looking forward to visiting the Blue Lagoon and soaking my tired legs. These are hot springs fueled by all the geothermic activity. When I arrived, I seriously might as well have landed on the moon, it was so weird. Steam was rising up from strange places. The water looked outer-spacey. It was eerily quiet.
It was literally freezing outside, and snowing off and on. And yet there we all were in our swimsuits, like we're at the beach! Once in the milky-blue water, though....it was amazing. The water temperature is about 100 degrees F, and you just wade around and soak and float and let all your worries melt away. I kept floating on my back so only my face was sticking out, and letting the snow pelt me in the face. It was so very surreal. Then at times the steam coming off the water got super thick, and it felt like I was the only person there because I couldn't see another soul around me. Then...someone would of course emerge from the fog and scare the shit out of me.
There was a waterfall that you could stand under and just let it pummel your back, neck, and shoulders in some sort of Viking DIY massage. Steam room, sauna, observation deck, beers...it was generally just heaven on earth.
DAY THREE: Pony Ride, Hanging Out at a Gas Station, and Watching Made for TV True Life Movies
On Sunday, the bus picked me up and took me out to a magical place called Íshestar where my little girl heart about exploded out of my chest. This is an Icelandic horse ranch, where you can go horseback riding through the lava fields on pretty pretty Icelandic ponies. I was in little girl heaven, it was like a real live My Little Pony ranch. Icelandic horses are about 3/4 the size of a regular Texas-style cowboy horse. So smaller than the average horse, but not miniature pony small. And all the horsies have very long manes with their bangs in their eyes, and basically look like they're wearing wigs.
The pony assigned to me was a tan horsie with a tan mane named Skwisga, and you can see her head in the middle picture below. The first thing that happened when we met was she tried to steal my camera out of my coat pocket! I liked her spunkiness, and saddled up. The waiver warned us: "Do not scream or shout at any time, screaming and shouting will excite the Icelandic horse, but remember that it loves to hear you sing!" So I sang songs to her all during the ride, and she didn't buck me off. It was a great business deal. I fell in love with Skwisga, and was briefly tempted to ride away with her, and never come back.
After the horseback riding, I was exhausted and went back to the hotel for a nap. When I woke up, I was starving. I walked to a couple of nearby restaurants...and quickly and stupidly realized that everywhere was closed because it was Easter Sunday. The only place I could find that was open was basically a gas station / video store / burger joint. So I had a burger and fries, and hung out and pretended to read an Icelandic newspaper. They also had soft-serve ice cream, and the Icelandic equivalent of a Dairy Queen blizzard! I put crushed M&Ms, Malteasers, and some chocolate wafers in mine. She tried to get me to put licorice in there, but I refused. (Why so much licorice, Scandinavia? Why???)
I took it easy the rest of the day, and chilled out watching the "True Movies" channel, featuring such made-for-TV movies as:
- I Know My First Name is Steven
- Without Her Consent
- When You Remember Me
- Every Woman's Worst Fear
- The Children That Nobody Wanted
And thus ended my Viking holiday, with a tale of the history of foster care in Missouri. The end.
