My Helsinki Farewell Party (Sponsored by Ewing Oil)

When I left Helsinki a week ago, there was a definite expectation that there would be an epic farewell party.  I was a bit stressed out with packing and moving and leaving, so I planned a very simple event: beer and pizza at the office, followed by karaoke.  There was talk of having a grander theme and/or costumes, but I just didn't have the mental energy (or luggage space) for that.  So that Friday it all went down like this...

08:45am I come to the office like any other day.

08:46am Things are quiet, not that many people are in the office yet.  This is odd.  These are Finns, they're always early.

08:48am I go into the breakroom to check that all the Budweiser tallboys are still in the fridge.  Everything is AOK:



09:02am I see Tanja walk in.  I avoid eye contact so I don't start getting all teary.  But I notice her hair looks extra fluffy.

09:04am Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Tanja is wearing a gold satin shirt with very puffy sleeves.

09:05am I bumrush Tanja's desk to examine what she is wearing, and realize she is totally 80's glammed out!?

09:06am Kesis approaches, and I see she is wearing a suede fringed vest and cowgirl boots.

09:10am Janne blows into the office, with slicked back hair and a cigar, wearing a suit.  He comes up to me, calls me "darlin'", and slaps me on the ass.



09:12am Janne starts strategically placing portraits of the Ewings (and me) around the office.



09:15am Lena shows up in a satiny red cowl-necked dress and garish makeup, looking EXACTLY like Lucy.

09:17am Sinttu follows shortly after, with a periwinkle blue dress with sleeves whose puffiness rival Tanja's sleeves. 

09:18am Sinttu, Tanja, and Lena declare themselves J.R.'s slutty secretaries:



09:25am I start to notice that several people are wearing cowboy hats.  Hanna was even in a meeting room, waving around a pistol:




09:45am Janne yells "DALLAS MOB!" from his computer.  All 30 people in the office stand up and start looking at me, the theme song from Dallas starts blaring, and everyone plays air violin along to the music.

09:50am Facebook blows up with announcements about how our company has been acquired by Ewing Oil for the day, and that all the slutty secretaries need their whiskey.

11:20am We go for lunch, and the girls all keep their jackets on.  :)

11:24am I mention that even though I knew NOTHING about what they had planned, I had walked around my apartment in my high-heeled cowgirl boots all morning and debated wearing them, but decided against it.  When they asked why, I replied, "Because I thought it would be too much."  Cue laughter.

12:30pm I ran home to change into those cowgirl boots, big earrings, and apply my Michael Maron Makeover Magic makeup job. 

02:00pm I make it back to the office.

02:35pm I decide I can't wait until 4:00, and I'm ready to start drinking.  So does everyone else.  Shit starts to get weird. 



03:30pm Valter starts freaking me out with his puffy vest and diesel cap because he looks almost EXACTLY my cousin Gary Don.  In fact, in this photo he and Erik look authentic enough they could hang out at the Stop 'N Shop in Groom, TX undetected:



04:30pm They make me sit in a chair and all surround me.  They start playing The Leningrad Cowboys version of "Those Were the Days" and do a full-on "Puttin' on the Hitz" lip-synching performance!  With bonus Cossack-style squatty inny-outty leg dancing action!?!  How do you people know how to do that???



05:00pm We steal Lars' whiskey because he's not there to stop us.  (Sorry, Lars.  Next time don't advertise on Facebook that you're hiding Chivas in your desk drawer!)

05:10pm Things start to get very fuzzy.

06:30pm We arrive at The Restroom Karaoke Joint (I think). 

06:45pm-02:00am Things get very very very fuzzy to the point that I only have random scattered memories, such as:

• Jaakko's riveting performance of "Jenny from the Block"
• Laughing / Crying
• Erik implanting David Bowie directly into his vocal chords and doing a perfect "Space Oddity" that brought the house down
  
• Laughing / Crying
• Steve's rendition of David Lee Roth's "Just a Gigolo" which I was drunk enough to think was "Giglolo", and that is STILL stuck in my head over a week later
• Crying / Laughing
• Dancing with Janne, and me and my ponytail being twirled around violently
• Me trying to sing Alice Cooper's "Poison" but being off-key from too much crying/laughing
• Crying / Laughing / Crying
  
• Making some random girl cry who didn't even know anyone in our group
• Laughing at her
• Valter's version of "Take On Me"
• Lena's air pan flute performance
• Hugging everyone way too hard, and probably getting snot and tears all over their shoulders
  
• Breaking Heikki's other shoulder from hugging him too hard
• Feeling very loved, and missing everyone before I had even left
  
• Not ever wanting the evening to end, ever :(
  

 


EPILOGUE: Addendum by participants who remember more than I do...

Tanja: "You seem to have forgotten Sampsa's PamPamPamela and THE We're the World moment when the whole bar was holding hands."

Henri: "We are the whuurld. Very vivid memories arise."

Lena: "My Eternal Flame is still burning for you, Halee! It's not Another Day in Paradise when you're not here. I must leave for North Carelia (Minä lähden Pohjois-Karjalaan) to recover!"