adventures: November 2008 Archives

It has been two entire weeks since the Southfork event, and I suppose it has taken me that long to quietly reflect on the evening to the point I can actually write about it.  (I kinda wanted you to think I had run off to have an affair with Bobby, and left you here wondering just like the end of a cliffhanger episode, not to be resolved until the following season...)

In order to preserve all the memories of the night, I decided to do the ol' standby of taking a recorder to tape little snippets of what was going on.  An audiolog, if you will.  And thanks to technology, I was able to do that on my phone and have it all pre-digitized.  The synopsis you will find below contains all the commentary, in my hilariously bad and sickly and scratchy and pre-pubescent voice.  I did not feel good.  But I toughed it out, as this was something I simply could not miss.

And now, the events of November 8th at the 30th Anniversary Dallas Cast Reunion and Barbeque transcribed and recorded for posterity...


"10:58.  We are up and showered and we had our breakfast with Micah and Rachel.  Now we're on our way to Target and then get our beauty sleep."




"2:31.  This is a post-script entry that should have been posted around 9:30 because Brad Stevens.  The co-producer.  Of the event.  At Southfork.  Called me when we were waiting for Micah at breakfast to thank me personally for coming and to make sure that all my friends knew tickets would be available at the door and that it was guaranteed to be the best night of my life."

Note: When the phone rang and I saw the weird area code, somehow deep inside I just knew it was Brad.  Part of me wanted to let it roll to voicemail so I could share the recording with all of you...but the other part of me thought he might be calling about our seats, or better yet, the opportunity to meet some of the cast so I couldn't risk not answering.  Brad was NOT brief this time, he was quite chatty and called me 'sugar'' and 'darlin' ' a lot.




"12 noon.  We're back from our Target adventure and we're laying down for our thirty minute beauty nap."

Note: My voice is sounding a little better here.  And I was way, way, way, way, way too excited to sleep, so the beauty nap did not happen.




"2:25.  We're about to get on the highway to Shashana's house."

Note: I had fully intended to document the shit out of the entire beauty preparation process, in accordance with Michael Maron's Makeover Magic book.  For each step, I was going to take a picture of that page in the book, then of Staci performing the step, then of me performing the step, etc...but this did not happen.




"2:30.  We have decided to take the I-20 route so that we can head up 75 and pass Ewing Avenue."




"3:02.  Ewing Avenue is in one and a quarter mile."




"3:44.  We're at Shashana's.  We're getting everything assembled and ready to go."

Note: Shashana's baby is ridiculously cute.  I was very sad to be sick, because I couldn't hold her and love and snuggle on her.  I just had to look at her from across the room and try not to cough.




"4:03.  We have Shashana and we are in route to Southfork in the Go Green Couriers Toyota Prius in attempt to impress the environmentally conscious and alternative energy proponent, Larry Hagman."




"5:45. Ray Krebbs is giving rides on the helicopter."

Note: I said this wrong.  I was supposed to say: "Ray Krebbs is over there, giving rides," and it was supposed to sound all dirty.  In reality, I later learned it was NOT Ray who was up in the air doing laps.  It was Hagman up in the air in Ross Perot Jr.'s helicopter with a bunch of rich people who were having way too much fun hanging out with ol' JR by themselves, and they did not want to share him.  This contributed directly to what I mention in the 6:44 entry.




"6:44. Things are incredibly behind schedule.  We were supposed to eat 45 minutes ago and JR hasn't even landed.  They just put out a call over the PA system looking for a 'Joy Hall' and said 'Joy, if you could come over here and meet us behind the tree, that'd be good.' "

Note: Originally we were supposed to eat around 6pm, which is still dusk and somewhat light at this time of year in Texas.  By everything was so behind that by the time we ate, it was dark.  No problem for the people in the VIP seats, but for the those of us literally sitting out in the pasture...it meant we could not even see our plates.  Oh well, the BBQ was good.  But the flakiness of the apple cobbler made me have a stupid coughing fit (one of many of the evening).




"6:52.  I just went to the restroom in the nicest portable toilet I have ever witnessed in my life.  It is an original Kohler restroom and you wouldn't even know that it was a port-a-let if they didn't have to tell you which button to push to flush the toilet.  Thank you, bye!"

Note: I don't know why I said "bye" here.  I had been served a few whiskeys at this point (to help my cough), and I think I got confused talking into my phone and treated this particular entry like it was a voicemail message. I also like I worked in all the various synonyms for "port-a-potty."




"7:32.  I just returned from the bartender station.  And while I was there, Larry Hagman stepped out onto the balcony and waved at all of us and took photos of all of us.  And then the bartender proceeded to tell me that allegedly Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are going to be making an appearance this evening."

Note: Although this is retarded, it's not completely out of the realm of possibility because Brad Pitt WAS on Dallas in some of the later seasons as Jenna Wade's daughter Charlie's boyfriend.  And allegedly he and Angelina were shooting in Shreveport which is not all that far away.  No, nevermind, you're right.  This IS retarded.




"7:34.  Lucy just stepped out onto the balcony, but she stepped right back in.  I'm sure she's having sex with someone."

Note: Later in the Q&A, someone called Lucy and Ray out for having sex in the first season, and then it later being revealed that Ray was Jock's illegitimate son, meaning he was her half uncle.  Charlene Tilton explained: "Well, we honestly hoped you guys wouldn't remember what happened in that first season."




"8:20.  Somebody asked Patrick Duffy their question during the Q&A round and said: "Now that I've got my competition up there, I want to ask my girlfriend from Ontario, Canada.  Now that I've got my competition up there, now that I've got my competition up there, Patrick Duffy...Andrea, will you marry me?"  And I'm going to go throw up now."

Note: You can hear Bobby/Patrick Duffy answering questions in the background of this clip.  I think he thought the proposal was stupid, too, and quickly tried to move on to the next question.  One of the best questions of the night was for Sue Ellen, which was: "The Ewings were one of the richest families in the country, and had a fine fleet of cars.  JR had his Mercedes.  Bobby had his Mercedes.  Lucy had her little Porsche.  Why on earth were you driving a Ford station wagon??"  Linda Gray had an excellent answer, "I was a drunk, that's why!"




"12:30.  We're home.  And I have a lot of Southfork dust in me and I want to go to sleep now.  Bye."



Over the next few days, there was a lot of coverage in the news about how upset and disappointed people were with the event.  Refunds were demanded.  People were hunting down the guy from the production company, and he was hiding in a hotel room with the phone disconnected.  My friend Brad Stevens was quoted in the Dallas Morning News as being "devastated". Another article in the Dallas Observer went into a little more detail about what exactly went wrong.  It was mainly the VIP people who got ripped off.  Those of us in the pasture weren't promised as much, so there wasn't as much to be pissed about.  Although it wasn't the 100% most magically perfect evening I imagined, I still had a wonderful time.  Pictures on Flicker here...