adventures: June 2009 Archives

This is the third in a series of posts where I document the various stereotypes I observe in weird situations.  First I focused on the various characters at adults-only skate night, then on the personalities I observed at adult summer tennis camp.  Today I would like to focus on yard sale folk.  Jackie had a yard sale this weekend, and I hung out all day to try to help out.  Here are the personalities that emerged...

The Swooper

• Tactic: to bum-rush the tables and load up on as much merchandise as possible
  
• Purchases made: Mongolian hat, wooden bucket full of fake dusty fruit (with spigot on basket), every tiny crappy knickknack that you expected to throw in the garbage at the end of the day, a basket to carry it all away
  
• Total spent: $40 (mostly on items that cost less than $1)
  

The Opportunist

• Tactic: to purchase items that are possibly collectible (unbeknownst to the yard sale giver) and resell on eBay for a profit
  
• Purchases made: vase, tea set
  
• Total spent: $10

The Repeat Customer

• Tactic: to casually look around, buy some sunglasses because it was sunny, disinterestedly leave....and then return later to buy something random and retarded
  
• Purchases made: sunglasses, mirror that shows variations of facial hair
  
• Total spent: $5.50

The Scam Artist

• Tactic: to aggressively haggle for a bulk deal, and after the price is set...continue picking up items and insist they were part of the original bulk agreement
  
• Purchases made: used beauty products
  
• Total spent: $3
  

The Thorough Shopper

• Tactic: to spend 3 hours looking through every individual item available, try on all the clothes, comment on every single item, want additional information on every single item, and buy only one or two things
  
• Purchases made: a wire cart
  
• Total spent: $10
  

The Bored Neighbor

• Tactic: to come over just to say hello and ask how things are going, and then end up buying something
  
• Purchases made: television
  
• Total spent: $25
  

The Disappointed Guy Who Comes for One Ultra Specific Thing

• Tactic: to show up at the end of the day after everything has been picked over and ask if you have something specific, like a green table lamp with a beige lampshade...and then leave disappointedly when you don't have it
  
• Purchases made: none
  
• Total spent: $0
  

The Ulterior Motive

• Tactic: to act as though they are there to browse, and within 30 seconds of arriving ask if they can use the toilet inside your house
  
• Purchases made: one necklace
  
• Total spent: $0.50