concert reviews: June 2010 Archives

It is now time for me to tell you about Hevisaurus.  My friendly neighborhood KISS Army member taught me about them, and they are basically a dinosaur heavy metal band for children.  This is one of those things that it's best not to explain, but just to witness:



These guys are actual real musicians from real bands (um, like DIO!?) and actually play wearing those costumes.  And even though it's obviously a total gimmick and geared towards the kiddies, their songs are actually good.  There is a particularly funny forum about them on cracked.com, but I've pulled out the choice comments here:

• "A triceratops. With a keytar."
• "This answers basically every question I ever had about Finland."
• "No matter what happens in life, a song where a dinosaur who plays heavy metal asks the audience 'Is it your bed-time already?' is awesome."
• "That's absurd. Dinosaurs and mammoths didn't live anywhere near the same time.  At the end of the Cretaceous, the only mammals were little nocturnal tree-dwelling varmints the size of rats.  I'm beginning to question the scientific accuracy of this entire enterprise."

They usually play at actual rock clubs (where they of course make it all ages, and it is hilarious to imagine Tavastia full of 3 year olds), but right now they're doing daily shows at Linnanmäki which is the local amusement park.  Last night, I had the honor of seeing these creatures play live.  It was the weirdest thing ever.  First of all, it wasn't really a concert, it was a musical/play thing.  On one hand it was a little bit disappointing because they used a soundtrack and only mimed playing their instruments.  On the other hand, it was totally great because I had to try to follow this plotline:

So there was a little boy who didn't want to go to sleep because he's nervous about starting school the next year and he can't say his "R's" properly, and so his mom reads him a book about dinosaurs and how they all died off 65 million years ago except five dinosaur eggs remained.  Then he falls asleep and/or doesn't fall asleep and gets his dagger and alarm clock and stuffed woolly mammoth toy and goes into the forest where these 5 eggs are, and these prehistoric girls in glasses and shiny skirts start dancing around and then suddenly the eggs hatch and dinosaurs burst out of the eggs already wearing leather jackets and holding instruments, speaking perfect Finnish and immediately start rocking out. 

Then the little boy makes friends with the dinosaurs and gives them all high fives and they start talking about pizza and popcorn...then out of nowhere these gigantic muffins covered in popcorn come out on stage dancing.  THEN after a snack and another song, they move the little boy's bed to the middle of the stage and pull the covers back and find another giant egg, but this one is hot pink/purple and suddenly a witch appears who really, really wants that egg so she can make an omelet.  Then there is a big battle for the egg that equals more singing and dancing and then some spinning...and all this activity causes the egg to hatch, and out pops a baby DRAGON.  The baby dragon makes friends with all the dinosaurs and the little boy, then suddenly they're all floating around in the sky and then the dragon sings a duet with Herra Hevisaurus. 

Then the little boy realizes he really should be going home before his mom gets mad, so he says goodbye to all the dinosaurs and the baby dragon and treks home...but forgets his woolly mammoth toy.  This is a perfect segue for Hevisaurus to sing their "Goodnight, Last Mammoth" song, and then the baby dragon takes the woolly mammoth toy and finds the boy's house and sneaks into his bedroom and returns it while he sleeps, but can't get out because the magic closet door is stuck.  Then some other stuff happens and then the little boy finally learns to say his "R's" and everyone comes out to sing a big finale song together, including the witch, and the backup dancers.  (But not including the two roadies who have been moving the drum and keyboard risers around.)  The end.

1. Keep in mind that this whole thing was in Finnish and I only know a tiny tiny bit of Finnish, so my entire summary here is based on what I saw and the few explanations that Sinttu was able to whisper to me.
   
   
2. I had to ask Sinttu several questions throughout, and the question I asked most frequently was, "Am I on drugs right now???"
   
   
3. There was one part where the dinosaurs went backstage for a nap, and something happened with the witch, and all the little kids started screaming "HERATYS!!!!!!!" (This means "WAKE UP!")  I mean, these kids were going apeshit about it, particularly the little girl right behind my right ear.
   
   
4. Also this same little girl knew every word to every song, and sang them.  Loudly.  And off-key  It would have been annoying...if it weren't so dang cute.

And so dang weird.  Then the evening got even weirder when we went to a heavy metal karaoke bar, but that's a story for another time.  (Spoiler: it was a DINOSAUR heavy metal karaoke bar!)