Recently in corporate bullshit Category

PowerPointing

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A few weeks ago I was in a workshop on how to become a better presenter.  It went like this:

  • We had to prepare a 5 minute presentation
  • We had to present it to the entire class of 30 people (all while being videotaped)
  • After presenting, we had to give an immediate verbal self-assessment
  • This was followed by a verbal brief assessment from two of our peers
  • Which was followed by a verbal critique from the expert guy leading the workshop
  • Then rounding up the 30 index cards of written comments from all the peers in the room

It was an incredibly stressful, nerve-wracking day.  We all did reasonably well considering we're not seasoned presenters, and we all beat ourselves up terribly about how bad we thought we were.  Enough time has passed that last night I finally had the guts to watch my DVD.  I did okay.  My presentation was on how to better manage your inbox, and although I talked too fast because I was nervous, it was...okay.  My peers gave constructive criticism, and I learned a lot about better ways to get my point across to a room full of people, and how to create an accordionly-organized deck so that you can adjust your presentation to be longer or shorter while you're in the middle of giving it.

But the main thing I learned?  I learned that I am overcompensating for my Texas accent so bad that I sound fucking Canadian.  I didn't even recognize my own voice.  I need to identify the words that I am covering up for the worst, and restore my speech back to its Texan glory.  But I don't know how...I honestly don't even realize that I'm trying to cover up my Texas accent, so how can I stop myself?  I guess I should call home more often.  And perhaps watch more Gary Busey movies.

Dressed to Impress/Repulse

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Ignoring for a moment how odd it is that this was scheduled for Valentines Day...I had my first official review at work today.  That is always nerve-wracking, even when you're doing a good job and you know you're doing a good job.  I supposed there is just something generally unpleasant about being judged.

First, I must quickly interject that the atmosphere at work is extremely, extremely casual.  Tshirts and sneaks.  Ponytails and gum-chewing.  Cussing and drinking.  At your desk.

So to dilute the awkwardness of the day, me and one of the other guys on my team decided to be way too formal about this and to try to confuse and/or flatter our boss.  So we both came to work today in full-on business suits.  He has on a tie.  I have on heels and earrings.  It feels like 1984 IBM corporate headquarters in here.  Or like Michael Douglas and Charlie Sheen could come walking around the corner any minute, talking NASDAQ or communicating in that broker sign language.

And it totally backfired.  Instead of thinking it was cute/funny that we took this so seriously, our boss was really disgusted!  She wanted to send us home!?

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