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Russian Eurotrash Fashion Show

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Yesterday I was quietly sitting in a little Russian cafe in Kallio with my friends, eating pelminis.  It was obvious the place was pretty authentic, but I didn't know just how authentic it was until HE walked in.

I wish I had been able to take a photo of HIM to better explain what I need to describe here, but the place was authentic enough and I've seen "Eastern Promises" enough times that I didn't dare.  What if some guys from the Bratva were in the back, sharpening knives or tattoo needles?  No.  I had to take a series of mental snapshots of every article of HIS dress, and I will try to recreate them here in the order I noticed them.

The Jeans

The Jeans

You know the real douchey designer jeans with way too much detail on the back pockets?  Kind of like these, if they were bleached and acid-washed until they were a pale, pale blue / almost white?  And possibly had some glitter on them?  HE was wearing those.



The Shoes

The Shoes The Socks

Let me put it this way: I couldn't find an image of snakeskin loafers that were pointy enough, this was the closest I could find.  And later when HE sat down it surprised me that HE was wearing common white tube socks. 



The Jacket

The Jacket

HIS jacket was actually somewhat understated, comparatively.  Just a simple little white jackety vest.  Although it was sleeveless.  And unlike in the picture above, HE did not have a sleeved shirt on under it.



The Tattoos

The Tattoos

Ahh, there was a very good reason for the sleevelessness.  HE had several wolf tattoos to display.  There was one on each upper arm, both black one-color jobs that looked all melty and faded.  The left arm had a wolf howling at the moon, looking away towards the moon.  The right arm had a wolf staring directly at you with the moon behind it...but upon closer examination the moon was actually just the huge eye of another wolf.



And just when I thought it couldn't possibly get any better, he took off the jackety vest to reveal...

The Undershirt

The Tattoos

Yes.  A white sheer tshirt to display even MORE tattoos.  I wish I could describe the other tattoos to you, but it was at this point that I had to turn away and quit looking at him.  Up to that point I was able to just casually and quietly enjoy his outfit...but when I saw the mesh shirt I almost choked on my pelmini.

Part 2 of this tale involves a Russian girl wearing sheer black control top pantyhose as pants, but that's a story for another time...



Mama Got a New Pair of Shoes

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I customized and bought myself a pair of Nike ID sneakers.  Lookie:

nike-id-outside nike-id-inside

If you'll notice, on the inside they'll embroider the phrase/word/proper noun of your choice.  I agonized over what to put on mine.  "Kotara Industries" was the obvious choice, but I really wanted to use some foreign words to make my shoes seem more exciting and exotic, and fake like I got them in a faraway land.  I decided it should definitely be a Scandinavian language.  Swedish was the obvious choice since they were the colors of the Swedish flag.  I decided on my theme, and went about figuring it the words in Swedish, Norwegian, and Finnish....

  • Swedish - Vänster / Höger
    Damn!  Nike does not accept special characters!

  • Norwegian - Høyre venstre
    Damn!  Nike continues to not accept special characters!

  • Finnish - Vasempaan / Oikeaan
    Really?  No 'äs or ää's or äää's???  Yay!!  I really wanted Finnish the whole time, anyway, it's my favorite.
And what does "Vasempaan / Oikeaan" mean?  It means "Left / Right."

Well, I hope it means "Left / Right".  With my luck I probably got it exactly wrong, and some Finnish person is going to stop me on the street and ask me why my shoes say "Gone" and "Prerogative."



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