Recently in nostalgia Category

When I was a kid, we played this little sing-songy game where you'd all sit in a circle and snap/clap out a rhythm, then everyone would take turns improvising a little verse like this:

My name is Annabel
I live in Atlanta
My husband's name is Amos
And we sell apples

Then the next person does the same thing with the letter B, and then C, etc.

I moved back to Helsinki a few weeks ago, and I love the fact that I can now sing this little song with almost 100% truthful accuracy!  Well, 50%:

My name is Halee
I live in Helsinki
My husband's name is Hannu
And we sell heroin (because we live in Kallio)

Anyway, I'm back!  I haven't been doing a good job of documenting everything that's gone on since my arrival a few weeks ago, but I do have a few backlogged stories to tell, stay tuned...

Barbie was big in my house.  We had dozens, and each had her own name that was NOT "Barbie" and had a distinct personality from the others.  There was Jan and Tracy and P.J. (both her ankles were broken and she had perma-masking tape casts) and Andrea and Cara and Marie Osmond and Wendi Poobah and Kim (she was the one that would wink, but her wink eye got stuck and turned into a wonk eye) and Suni and Stephanie Baggie.

The Barbie to Ken ratio was not favorable for Barbie.  We only had 4 Ken dolls:

• Malibu Ken who was blond and tan and we called "Ken"
• Generic Ken who had dark hair and we usually drew in a mustache with eyeliner and we called "Steve"
• Generic Ken who had light brown hair and whose name changed depending on what Barbie he was with that week
• Weight-Lifting Ken whose muscles would actually pop up when you bent his arm to flex his bicep, and I don't remember what we called him...honestly he was kinda ugly and we usually popped his head off and replaced it with Steve's
• Headless Horseman Ken which was Steve's leftover body
  

My little nieces will sometimes still play with our old Barbies, and they've started to collect their own.  One of my nieces has a birthday next week, and my sister mentioned that they needed a Ken doll.  I totally wanted to get her one, but a surprise awaited me in the toy section of Amazon.com...

Every Ken doll is now totally, completely, flamingly gay.

Jewel Secrets Ken

Ken in a tux is not so gay.  Barbie does need a prom date or a groom for her wedding.  But Ken in a silver tux?  Ken who has jewel secrets?




Diamond Castle Prince Ken

Jackie and I were IMing like crazy over all this, and I think she summarized this one the best by saying:"Why does this prince have a guitar?"  And apparently Diamond Castle Prince Ken comes in two flavors: vanilla (Ian) and chocolate (Jeremy).



Rainbow Prince Ken

Thigh-high boots and a pastel rainbow glitter tunic with puffy sleeves?  Is this even real??




Mariposa Prince Ken

Jackie's reaction to this one: "....he's a fairy.  He's an f'in FAIRY."  Also, "mariposa" means "butterfly" in Spanish, but it's also Mexican slang for "queer".  Great job, Mattel.



Sun Sensation Ken

Gold.  Mesh.  Half-shirt.  I have nothing else to add.



Hot Skatin' Ken

I snarfed all over my computer when I saw this one.  As if the ice skates weren't enough...  As if the rollerblades were not enough...  As if his neon spandex unitard was not enough...  WHY DID YOU POSE HIM LIKE THAT??



I went so far as to create a poll for this one, so please vote below...

Daniel gave me the coolest gift(s) ever in the form of a big fat stack of wrestling magazines from the mid-80s.  These are pure gold.  Allow me to transcribe a letter to the editor in its entirety from the July 1986 issue of "Wrestling's Main Event: The #1 Magazine for Mat Fans Today!"

Brutus Takes the Cake

This is an open letter to Brutus Beefcake.  I've been watching you for quite a while, and I've seen you progress a lot in that time.  My only complaint is that I feel that you need to somehow get out of the Valentine partnership and try to find yourself.  By finding yourself I mean that Valentine has established himself as a man of various styles whereas you have not done so yet.

All the critics say that Valentine is "carrying" you through the matches.  I don't think this is very fair of them.  What they are talking about is variety.  Valentine has, to name a few, the Figure-Four Leglock, the Elbow Smash, and the Shoulderbreaker.  Your only move is the "Flying Knee."

If it seems that I am condemning you, you are wrong.  I am only trying to look out for you and hope that you can take a little constructive criticism.  In the future I hope that you will try to work harder on your moves and less on your image.

So what do you say, Brutus, do you show the world your wrestling knowledge or do you let them go on bad-mouthing you?  Whether you believe it or not, there is somebody out there waiting for you to show the world exactly what you've got.

Love,

Mom

Okay.  The "mom" part is a lie.  But the article where Ric Flair and Tully Blanchard throw a retirement party for Dusty Rhodes without his knowledge/permission is not a lie.  Nor is the article where the Sheik has a tummy ache and drinks camel's milk to settle his tummy.

1. I used to hide money in my Eddie Money CD case.
   
   
2. One summer as a child, I decided to build a time machine out of spare tractor parts from my dad's shed. I truly, truly, truly believed it would work, and that the important part was to spray it with starter fluid when I was ready to go. I was going to go back to the 1850s, because I wanted to wear a big fancy hoop dress.
   
   
3. When I'm home alone, I talk to myself. Constantly. I'm sure my downstairs neighbors must think I am on the phone ALL THE TIME. I hope they don't realize that I'm talking to the TV, my computer, my dinner, etc. Sometimes when I walk to the bus in the morning, I catch myself talking to myself out loud.
   
   
4. I had a prophetic dream about my sister Lindy's first pregnancy. I knew she was pregnant before she did.
   
   
5. Even though I am 31 years old, any time I pass a pasture with horses in it, I still squeal: "PONIES!!"
   
   
6. I sometimes have irrational panicky moments where I just *know* I'm going to find snakes in places where snakes shouldn't be: the shower, the refrigerator, glovebox, etc.
   
   
7. I never learned to drive standard. This is one of the things I am most ashamed of in my life.
   
   
8. I was once hired to work in the office of Cowtown Truck Driving School in Fort Worth, but when I showed up, the guy who hired me had quit and no one else had any idea who I was or why I was there.
   
   
9. I cry at almost every single Grand Slam tennis tournament trophy ceremony. Double especially when Federer wins and/or cries.
   
   
10. I regret not ever helping my dad out on the farm. I'm the sorriest excuse for a farm girl ever, and if I could do it all over again I would change that. I desperately wish I knew how to drive a tractor and do mechanic work and vaccinate cattle and ride horses. I think I would be a much smarter and more interesting person if I had.
    
    
11. Despite what everyone thinks, I actually don't like black metal music at all. I admit to being totally fascinated with the mythology and sociology and criminology surrounding the black metal movement, but I find the actual music completely unlistenable.
    
    
12. My dad's twin sister went to the convent and was almost a nun. My dad's older brother studied at seminary and was almost a priest. Neither went through with final vows.  CORRECTION TO ORIGINAL POST - My aunt actually was a full-blown nun for 10 years!
    
    
13. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, I don't think I would be brave enough to fight back or run. I think I would probably just throw myself towards the zombies and get them to bite me and just get it over with.
    
    
14. I can crack just about every joint in my body.
    
    
15. As a child, I pretended that I ran an HR office for a medical practice. I had all sorts of application forms for various types of doctors: bone doctors, brain doctors, blood doctors, etc. The applications consisted of yes/no questions like: "Do you have the skills for this job?" My sisters would humor me and fill out these applications so I could process them.
    
    
16. I keep a list in a keepsake box of all the boys I've ever kissed. It's on the same piece of paper as when I started the list when I was 14.
    
    
17. I don't get that much pleasure out of food. I mean, I definitely enjoy yummy and/or familiar foods, but typically new and exotic foods cause me more stress than excitement. If you told me I had to live on bread and water for the rest of my life, I would be okay with that. Maybe even relieved.
    
    
18. Back in the days when you didn't know what bands looked like, I imagined that David Lee Roth looked like Ralph from Happy Days.
    
    
19. I once met the Honky Tonk Man in Shamrock, Texas. He was wearing a wind suit with boat shoes.
    
    
20. During my very very very very brief (and unsuccessful) skater betty phase, I had my friend paint my skateboard deck John Deere green with the logo on it.
    
    
21. I won just about every single spelling contest in my district from about 1987-1995.
    
    
22. I have never been in a fight.
    
    
23. I have never broken a bone.
    
    
24. I have never had stitches.
    
    
25. I can't figure out how to tag 25 people. It's only letting me tag 10. Quit making me look stupid, Facebook!
    
    and as my friend Corbett so kindly appended...
    
    
26. Halee owns a Star Trek uniform.
    

A My Little Ponies stage show???  I can't decide how I feel about this:

1. Full of child-like wonder?
2. Amazed someone smoked enough crack to come up with costumes and choreography for something this retarded?
3. Creeped the fuck out?

Oh.  My.  Goodness.  On the soul of Jerry Reed, how did I not know about this????

"The good folks at YearOne, along with Restore A Muscle Car, Motortopia, and 78TA.com, have organized the first Bandit Run to commemorate the 30th anniversary of the release of the original Smokey and the Bandit film. It'll be a recreation of the route Burt Reynolds took in that American cinema classic, taking participants from Texarkana, Texas to Atlanta, Georgia, passing through Arkansas, Mississippi, and Alabama along the way. East bound and down, indeed.

The cruise is open to all makes and models, but Trans Ams are especially coveted, particularly black '76-'81 T/As and SE models. The Bandit Run starts on May 15 and ends in Atlanta on May 17."

Smoke. Key.  And.  The.  Bandit.  Cross.  Country.  Road.  Trip.  Trans.  Am.  I.  Can't.  Breathe...  Skip to the -6:00 minute mark on this clip to see the part that almost literally made me pass out:



I left out a detail up there. It was on May 15-17, 2007.  MY 30TH BIRTHDAY WAS THE SAME DAY AS THE 30TH BIRTHDAY OF SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT AND I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE BANDIT RUN AND I MISSSSSED IT!!!!!!!!!

But you know what?  Just like their was a sequel to Smokey and the Bandit, they're doing it again this year.  Vacation plans and birthday present to self for 2008?  DONE.

I'm sorry in advance for this entry. 

But as I was unpacking more stuff last night, I went into serious reminiscing mode.  So when I was in high school I got Rolling Stone magazine for several years, and was too much of a pack rat (and obsessive metal fan) to get rid of any of them.  Before I moved away to college, I went through every damn magazine and clipped out anything of worth and saved it.  (This mostly included anything involving Guns N' Roses, Chris Cornell, surfing, or Conan O'Brien.)  I'll be posting some of the other ridiculous stuff I re-found, but for tonight, I'm going to show you the most awesome thing in my high school heavy metal scrapbook.

The "Can you match each of the Young Ones with their vomit?" match game quiz:




Answers will be posted....never.  If you don't know the answers, go rent both seasons of the Young Ones right away and stay up all night and watch them ALL.  Or do like I've always wanted to do: lock yourself in your house for about 6 months and watch only this show and see if you walk out of your house 6 months later with a British accent or not.