retarded: December 2007 Archives

My friend Jenni is coming to visit me in Seattle for New Year's, and I am most excited about this.  We've been plotting and planning for a couple of weeks, and we officially decided a few days ago that we will be defecting to Canada for a couple of days.  We've been trying to line up the details, one of which is the increased security at the border, and how you can no longer just say "Um, yeah I'm...American?  Sure." at the border crossing and be let through.

Which sucks, because Jenni's passport is expired.  So she has been on spazz patrol, scrambling to get a renewal expedited.  Apparently she had an appointment at the passport office this morning, so I got a frantic message from her when I arrived at work that we needed to dig up some sort of supporting documentation, stat.  Options:

1. Hotel reservation - The problem: The hotel we are staying at is a very small operation, and they don't have automated email confirmations.  I begged the lady on the phone to send me something, anything.  This request (and presumably the concept of email) was quite confusing to her and I suspected the email confirmation would consist of something like a message saying "yeah, you have room 131 on 1/4" from her personal AOL account.  This email never arrived.
   
   
2. Train booking - The problem: When making a booking on Amtrak's website, if you're crossing the border you have to enter the passport ID numbers of all the travellers as part of the checkout process.  I don't have my passport with me today, and obviously Jenni doesn't have one, period.  So we can't get a train reservation without a passport, and Jenni can't get a passport without a train reservation.  Fuck.
   

Jenni had to leave for her appointment as I was still on the phone trying to figure all this out, so she wasn't able to print anything to take with her to the passport office.  I managed to talk to a human at Amtrak, and she was great and got me set up with a reservation under the stipulation that I call back with passport information in a couple of days.  This Amtrak angel also sent an email confirmation, which I promptly and frantically forwarded to Jenni hoping like hell they might let her check her email from their computer really quickly at the passport office, just long enough to print the proof they needed.

So it was a very hectic morning.  All this buzzing around and stressing out....then silence.  Finally Jenni calls me excitedly explaining that she got everything taken care of, and she would get her passport next week!  Yay!  I just assumed she was able to print that Amtrak confirmation.  No.  The only documentation Jenni was able to print before she left for the office was a stupid itinerary I crudely put together in Google Spreadsheets.  Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the "official documentation" that the passport office ACCEPTED AND PUT IN JENNI'S OFFICIAL FILE:

I have no idea whether to be totally impressed or totally disappointed in the passport office.

A My Little Ponies stage show???  I can't decide how I feel about this:

1. Full of child-like wonder?
2. Amazed someone smoked enough crack to come up with costumes and choreography for something this retarded?
3. Creeped the fuck out?