wrestling: November 2007 Archives
Hulk Hogan. Musicianship. The two are virtually synonymous. I was fortunate enough to happen upon his "Hulk Hogan and the Wrestling Boot Band" album, and I feel inclined to share it with you.
- Hulkster's in the House (mp3)
Genre: Hard Rock
Best lyric: "When the going gets tough, the tough get rough."
Summary: A generic party anthem, presumably for a party full of weight-lifters who could actually move the house and/or remove its roof. - Hulkster's Back (mp3)
Genre: Synth Pop/Rap
Best lyric: Spoken overlay of a Valley girl hitting on Hulk, who then challenges her to arm wrestle.
Summary: The backup chorus is: "Hey, check out the pythons, baby!" But the first time I heard this song I thought they were singing "Hey, check out the pinecones, baby!" and I was so confused. - Wrestling Boot Traveling Band (mp3)
Genre: Caribbean Adult Contemporary Soft Rock
Best lyric: N/A
Summary: Kinda like pro-wrestling's answer to Journey's "Faithfully." If Jimmy Buffet were singing it at karaoke. Wearing wrestling boots. - Bad to the Bone (mp3)
Genre: Hard Rock
Best lyric: "Turn up the volume 'cuz we like to rock 'n roll, the girls all know that we're out of control."
Summary: It's unclear if this is an ode to rock 'n roll... or motorcycles. Song ends with a motorcycle vrooming by. I haven't listened to it in stereo surround to confirm whether or not the vroom-vrooms go from left speaker to right like they do at the end of Motley Crue's "Girls, Girls, Girls."
- I Want to be a Hulkamaniac (mp3)
Genre: Synth Pop/Rap
Best lyric: "Always go swimming with a buddy, work real hard, and always study."
Summary: A literal checklist of all the things you should do to be an effective Hulkamaniac (including taking your vitamins!), rapped to you by the Hulkster himself while a chorus of drones sings how you will "have fun with your family and friends." 20+ times. In immediate succession. I counted.
- Beach Patrol (mp3)
Genre: Synth Pop/Rap
Best lyric: "Saw a girl in trouble, a sticky situation. She wanted me to give her mouth to mouth resuscitation."
Summary: This is just a big mess of mixed styles, I don't even know where to start. The synth-y intro sounds like the song that Julie Lloyd's cousin Arthur wrote for her to use in her floor exercise on "American Anthem." Then the first part of the chorus says "We are the beach patrol..." in a voice like the lead singer from Cameo. The second part of the chorus "We wanna party party party" sounds like En Vogue. Then Hulk rips off "Whoomp, There It Is" but sings it "Whoops, there it is..." and on the last chorus makes Three Stooges "whoop-whoop-whoop" sounds?
- Hulk's the One (mp3)
Genre: Adult Contemporary
Best lyric: "My friends all tell me that you're bad to the bone, please be bad to me!"
Summary: A Pointer Sisters-esque ballad extolling the virtues of Hulk Hogan...in the romantic sense. One verse has the line "you came on so strong" and I was disappointed they didn't turn this into some sort of wrestling pun, like "you came on so strong, but I countered with a suplex."
- Hulkster in Heaven (mp3)
Genre: Gospel/Religious
Best lyric: "I used to tear my shirt, but now you've torn my heart."
Summary: An ode to some dead friend, and Hulk promises to "tag up" with them again. In heaven. Or ringside. His narrative is not very consistent.
- Hulk Rules (mp3)
Genre: Hard Rock
Best lyric: "He knows that talk is cheap. If you mess with the Hulkster, he'll rearrange your teeth."
Summary: The song begins as a threat, explaining how the Hulkster will hurt you...then quickly changes to explain how he will protect you. Then there is a saxophone solo.
- American Made (mp3)
Genre: Hard Rock/Ford Truck Commercial Soundtrack
Best lyric: "He's got the stars and stripes running through his veins."
Summary: If the Hulk is such a fucking patriot, why did he always wear red and yellow...the colors of the communist regime? Hmm, Hulk??
